Self Esteem: its importance in addictions and life in general

Every now and then I like to get black and white and dogmatic.  Usually, most dogmatism doesn’t really make much sense, because everyone is so different, experiencing the world in unique ways.  But, there are times when I knowingly contradict myself, and here’s a time I’m going to do that. 

Self Esteem is the number one biggest trait to develop in a person with addiction.  It is the number one “problem” killer.  It is what any person struggling with life should look to improve.  I listen to clients everyday express their lack of self esteem, but they may not always explain it that way.  Other times, many clients know they have poor views of themselves.

What is self-esteem, anyway?  Is it just feeling good about ourselves?  Is it feeling confident?  Is it loving ourselves?  Is it just accepting who we are?  It’s all of that and more.

Nathaniel Branden breaks self-esteem down into six key pillars in his definitive work on the subject, called, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.  If you are looking for a comprehensive look into what self-esteem is, how to notice it in your life, and how to improve it, then his book is the way to go.  

Branden’s Pillars are:

1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity

This view of self-esteem is more of a philosophical orientation to life.  If you are practicing these six concepts, then you are on your way to strong self-esteem. 

In terms of addiction, or anyone struggling, self-esteem is the foundation that we need.  It was also the foundation that was never built.  We cannot work on our relationships, without a better sense of self; we cannot work on our careers without a better sense of self; we cannot work on our communication skills, our assertiveness skill, our boundaries, or our inner life, without an improved sense of self.  That being said, working on some of the previous mentioned things, help contribute to self esteem.

Why is it so important in terms of addiction?  For two reasons: 1. Humans struggling with addiction usually had some sort of trauma, abuse, or overall dysfunction in their lives that directly worked against their healthy sense of self.  Their experiences told them they didn’t deserve better, that they were not worthy of better treatment or better lives, and that overall, who they were didn’t matter.  2.  The second reason is because for a long time now, those struggling with addiction have been told they are powerless, and have been treated poorly by our society.  If someone is told that they cannot help themselves, and that they must live with this “affliction” for the rest of their lives, how are they going to get to a place where they feel good about themselves; good about their accomplishments; good about being a responsible human being?  How are they going to be able to help themselves?

Even if one would like to argue that God is ultimately in control and we need His help to grow and change, and live with our problems, one must also remember that Jesus told the lame man to “pick up his mat and walk.”  Jesus didn’t walk for him.  Jesus enabled that man to believe in himself, that he actually had the power to walk.  That lame man was just wallowing in the pool of helplessness.

To do any changing in our lives, we have to do the changing.  We have to listen to our emotions, we have to notice our irrational core beliefs, and we have to change the ways we react to situations.  Change also needs motivation, and believing and understanding that we have the power to control our lives (granted there are things outside of our control) is going to propell us into a state of self-responsibility, freedom and autonomy.

I love Branden’s pillar, The Practice of Living Consciously.  The opposite of that is living obliviously.  Those struggling with addictions are living obliviously, as they cannot possibly be consciuos in the fog of addiction.  Living Consciously means paying attention; being aware; being present; and being in control.  Living Consciously means that we notice when we are over-stressed and need to make changes; it means we notice that living in alignment with our gifts and abilities strengthens our lives, so we put them into action; it means reflecting on our wishes and desires, as well as practical issues when making decisions.  Overall, it shows you care.  It shows you care about each aspect of your life with which you are consciously aware.

Simply stated, self-esteem improves the more you get back in touch with who you are.  Who are you?  Only you can answer that question.  Do you accept yourself, and do you believe you deserve a good life - a life that is created from the depths of you?

Hopefully you can see how important self-esteem is, and why developing it will greatly increase one’s ability to stay clean, or break through roadblocks.  It may not remove one’s cravings completely, but it certainly will give you the energy and ability to care for yourself in such a way that manages those cravings.

Consequently, self-esteem is not so simple.  Many who think they are confident, or look confident, actually are not so much.  Self-esteem also runs deeper than confidence, and is rooted in many different facets of our lives.

So start pouring that foundation by taking care of yourself, and beginning to learn how to get in touch with your wishes and desires; begin to live more consciously instead of obviously.  And begin molding that foundation by putting some of these life-concepts to work.  Branden’s Pillars are great places to start. Remember - to change, you have to change.

Finally,it will be hard to build your self-esteem if necessary grieving has not been done.  If there is unresolved pain inside, and we are not honoring that by expressing it somehow, then we are always working against ourselves.  That will be a topic for another day.

Go take care of yourself. Pay attention. Stay conscious.

The Bio-Psycho-Social Approach to Addiction: An Introduction

Why have an alternative to 12 Step if it helps so many people?  Good question.  It does help many people stop drinking and drugging, but it also has not helped countless others.  The 12 Step approach is quite specific with its focus and quite narrow in its scope.  Addiction is an intensely complex problem that needs a broader, more holistic approach.  The Bio-Psycho-Social model of addiction brings just that - a broader, multidisciplinary approach to the treatment of one very complex problem.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to treating addcition because everyone has different needs and different history and different personality constructs.  The whole idea of a one-size-fits-all approach is very modern in its philosophical orientation, and our times have changed.  Our world and our thinking is much more complex, with many more options, and new problems, that we’ve had to grow out of a modern way of thinking to a postmodern way of thinking.  Life is not as simple as it was in the 50s, where a simple approach like the 12 Steps may have worked just fine.  Life has changed, and so too has our problems.  With this, we need to see the importance of more holistic approaches to life’s issues, and a broader understanding of our lives today.

The Bio-Psycho-Social (which will be referred to as BPS from now on) approach says there are biological reasons for addiction, psychological reasons, and sociological reasons as well.  Taking this into consideration, we must attack this problem multidimensionally.  We cannot just look at someone’s drinking, or drugging.  We cannot just look at someone’s emotional life.  We cannot just look at someone’s relationships.  We need to look at all these major aspects of human life for some answers to our issues, whether they be addiction issues, or other life problems.

Biological

At the present time, it is still a mystery whether or not there are specific genes passed down that determine whether or not someone will develop a substance abuse problem.  We do know that there are likenesses among the chemical makeup of people with addictions.  We also know that we are chemical people, and that the chemical addiction can become quite strong for an addict.  So whether it’s hereditary or not, doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that we respect the fact that we have natural chemicals in our bodies and messing with that can become harmful.  Also, not taking care of our physical bodies, can lead to relapse, as we may become fatiqued, stressed, or malnourished.  Biological explanations can neither be worshipped, nor ignored.

Pyschological

For a long time, the focus on applying psychological principles to the problem of addiction, has been minimal, if not scarce.  Because many have believed addiction to be a disease, the idea that some of our psychological construct might contribute to addiction has been missed. 

A large percentage of the clients I see everyday have experienced either serious to severe abuse in their childhoods, or, at the very least, a problem of overall family dysfunction to the point of pain.  It can easily be followed that these very individuals eventually turned subconsciously to drugs or alcohol to cope with, or adapt to, the inner pain they felt.  Many people have “stuffed” their emotions, or found ways to block out their pain.  These same people also developed irrational beliefs from the abuse and dysfunction since they were only children and did not know any other reality.  It is to be followed, that one would need to look at the way they have processed emotions, and the way they have developed their core beliefs, in order to better understand themselves.  When they better understand themselves, they can better deal with some of the reasons why they may be using.

Sociological

We are also very social beings.  Whether we hate society and groups of people, or find ourselves craving the attention of others, we are affected by people.  One of the biggest “frustrators”, or stressors, for clients dealing with addictions, is their relationships.  A bad argument, or relationship in general can leave one with a substance abuse very frustrated and exhausted at running into the same “wall,” taking them out to use.

We all see ourselves differently within the society which we are a part.  Some identify as minorities, some as women, some as men, some as lower class, some as upper class, some as outsiders, some as different, some as special, and some as just being a part.  How we see ourselves within the society around us has a very heavy influence on our self-esteem; and our level of self-esteem has a very heavy influence on the contribution to using substances in order to cope or adapt.  

As we can see, life in general for human beings is complex.  Substance abuse is complex.  Therefore, the treatment and understanding of addiction should be complex, or multidisciplinary.

Again, it is not my point to put down 12 Step philosophy, but to express the need for this very effective alternative in an age of ever growing complexity.  The 12 Steps have many helpful steps, and their overall focus of community is extremely important.  There are though, some fundamental and philosophical problems with certain Steps, and I will go further into these as we go along.

Until then, let the idea of an alternative approach sink in for those of you looking for one.